Thursday, November 26, 2015

Distant Dream

As a kid i always felt captivated by the charisma of Pakistan Air force. The uniform, the discipline, thrill, fighter jets and the spirit. Everything inspired me to make a wish and to dream! I remember my feelings; just to be a part of it one day. But then life happened, and my eyesight started weakening. Too early though. But it never stopped me from dreaming..
By matriculation I had a definite dream to be the first female GD Pilot of Pakistan. To be the one who will fly F-16s and to be the first female fighter pilot who will win sword of honor and embrace martyrdom while serving her homeland. I imagined this all. Wished it. However, I admit that it was too far fetched.
During the final days of matric in 2003, I remember sharing my wish with my friends. And they laughed, mostly because of how stupid it sounded from someone wearing spectacles. And partly because air force had not stated taking females yet for GD Pilot or even for engineering. However, some friends motivated me by saying that I can get a handsome fighter pilot, who may take me for a ride in his F-16. To which my reply was; "No! I want to be a fighter pilot myself!."
Later on, when internet came in, my first email id was "". One may call it a teen's obsession. 

So I started working on my eyesight by consuming loads of carrots a day during its season and off season trying different home remedies to strengthen my eyesight. Obviously the miracle of re-gaining 6/6 eyesight never happened. And I rather turned out as an average student. However, my wish; my dream always remained dear to me. I knew I can never achieve it. But I loved it.

Years later in 2012, I applied in air force for ground position. And I was rejected on medical basis due to my weak eyesight. It was devastating. It broke me. Because it was too unexpected for me. I still remember my walk from PAF Faisal base hospital to the main gate of selection center. I came all the way crying. Alone. Because weak eyesight was acceptable for ground positions but mine was too weak to be accepted. I buried my dream in my heart that day.

However, in all those years, something wonderful happened which never happened before. PAF started taking females for pilots. Girls were emerging much more than I imagined for myself. As fighter pilots, wearing that uniform, holding that helmet, taking extensive trainings, sitting in cockpits and flying the jets.A female cadet also won sword of honor. Even they were inducted in army other than medical posts. All of this always made me so happy that I can never explain in words. It all became a distant dream for me but for the love of it, this charisma remained with me.

And then yesterday, martyrdom of Marium Mukhtiar happened. For a moment, I was shaken. I glanced at her picture and my heartbeat was not normal. It was heartbreaking and it had a beauty. It reminded me of a wish. And how I imagined it. It was more or less the same. With all the armed forces inducting females more then ever in recent years, I never thought that such thing will ever happen. But it did. And I wonder how lucky she is. I have no words for the strength and courage for this young, fearless, intelligent and outstanding lady. 
May her soul rest in peace. She have achieved her dreams and inspired so many.

By now, I have seen my distant dream being fulfilled in so many forms by so many girls that it brighten me up from inside every time. It is one of the most beautiful feeling.

May we all achieve our dreams, no matter how high, no matter how far!

Friday, April 26, 2013

Rest in Peace

There's one thing i'm appreciative of my defeat,
I put in the very best of me!
There is pain, but a contentment also.
On my role.
All the world's a stage...
One is really not defeated, when one is content at heart.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Tutti Fruity Cup

Driving through the busy traffic at night, she was looking for a good place for dinner - falling in route.
Suddenly, her gaze caught the newly open dessert renowned outlet.
"Oh Wow! I wasn't expecting they are open in this vicinity as well. Lets have it at the way back."

After the dinner, she entered the famous frozen yoghurt outlet with a lot full of enthusiasm. To taste it the very first time. And to have it all topped up as much she desired.

Following the instructions, she went on to pick the cups.
"Okay, lets have a small cup as i just had dinner".

To the wending machines, she one by one saw each flavour people pouring into their cups.
"Hmm, why not take all appealing flavours in lil bit quantities, to taste ALL. Weehee."  :P

The first two flavours poured almost as little as she wanted, but the last two poured much taller due to the first experience with wending machines.
"Ooops" :/

To the toppings, she tried best to put it in the cup on top of yoghurt bad sadly pineapples fell down and a staff came to her.
"Ma'am, can i help you?"
"Hmm, No. Hmm, yes. I am unable to decorate it properly, can you do it for me?"
"Ma'am, you left no space for toppings. I can only pour it into a bigger cup."
"Okay, Please."

He took the bigger cup & inserted the smaller one in it.
"Why don't you pour smaller one upside down in it."
"Ma'am, you won't like topping on it after that, the yoghurt will be de shaped, if i do so."

So, she finally decorated her cup with all the ingredients she wanted but not in much appealing manner due to two cups, paid the bill and came outside.

As she took the first spoon of her long time desired-mouthwatering indulgence, she glanced at the cup in her hands.
It was; "Filled-Over-Capacity."
She froze there!

She kept looking on it. Dropping her spoon. And looked it for ages...
A small cup in a big cup.
Four flavours.
All kind of toppings.
On Side-Fruit Slices.

She was watching it & she was Thinking it.
Picture. Her Life.

May be, i gave too much unneeded. too much unasked. too much before expected. too much without receiving anything in return. In the same manner!
May be, i filled the cup too much extra that it over burdened the real value. That, it all went in vain because it was too much to handle at a time. That, may be this lot of feelings were not meant to be shown."

Her carving for the dessert died.
And it taste went sour in her mouth.
Her heart died!

She put the cup aside & drove back to home.
And the cup went in waste, in the same manner!

Thursday, March 29, 2012


Wo aik jang thi,
Khushi ki jang.

Andar ki khushi,
Aur Wabasta khushi k darmiyan.

Wo kehta tha..
Mujhe pana tumhari wabasta khushi hy,
Apni khushiyan logo se nahi,
Apne andar se milti hen.
Yehi asal hasil hy,
Jiski talash tmhain khud me karni hy.
Mujh me nahi!

Wo kehti thi..
Tumhi meri andar ki khushi ho.
Jiski sada bohat talash k bad pehli bar,
Mujhe apne andar se sunae deti hy.
Tumhain pa lena meri zid nahi,
Mera hasil hy.
Meri asal khushi ko lahasil na karo!

Phir kuch yun hua k..
Ye jang larte larte..
Waqt bohat beet gaya..
Intizar ki ghariyan kuch aesi taweel hoen,
K hisaab hi na raha..
Ahsas ka daaman choot gaya.

Wo andar ki khushi kahin mar gaye..
Aur wo wabasta khushi wabasta na rahi...

Thursday, February 9, 2012


I think to write...
And then words fade away!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

All It Takes...

Moving On!
Requires only one moment of realization & a thousands deaths within one's own being!

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Loneliness teaches you how to see
When you feel blind

Loneliness teaches you how to smile
When you forgot this gesture

Loneliness teaches you how to stand
When you are lying on death bed

Loneliness teaches you how to find yourself
When you'd actually lost your soul & being

Loneliness teaches you how to search
little light of hope in deep darkness

Loneliness is the most helpless situation ever.

Its the feeling which breaks you...
Inch by inch..
moment by moment..
step by step..
bit by bit..
torn till the last fragment of life..

Loneliness demands the sacrifice of existence!

And than;

Only at a certain stage of this destruction
Loneliness builds up a courage
silently inside
That tells you to breathe again
It becomes a teacher & gives support.

But the only thing loneliness is unable to teach;
is how to forget the person who made you lonely!