Distant Dream

As a kid i always felt captivated by the charisma of Pakistan Air force. The uniform, the discipline, thrill, fighter jets and the spirit. Everything inspired me to make a wish and to dream! I remember my feelings; just to be a part of it one day. But then life happened, and my eyesight started weakening. Too early though. But it never stopped me from dreaming..

By matriculation I had a definite dream to be the first female GD Pilot of Pakistan. To be the one who will fly F-16s and to be the first female fighter pilot who will win sword of honor and embrace martyrdom while serving her homeland. I imagined this all. Wished it. However, I admit that it was too far fetched.

During the final days of matric in 2003, I remember sharing my wish with my friends. And they laughed, mostly because of how stupid it sounded from someone wearing spectacles. And partly because air force had not stated taking females yet for GD Pilot or even for engineering. However, some friends motivated me by saying that I can get a handsome fighter pilot, who may take me for a ride in his F-16. To which my reply was; "No! I want to be a fighter pilot myself!."

Later on, when internet came in, my first email id was "flyingofficerabeer@hotmail.com". One may call it a teen's obsession. 

So I started working on my eyesight by consuming loads of carrots a day during its season and off season trying different home remedies to strengthen my eyesight. Obviously the miracle of re-gaining 6/6 eyesight never happened. And I rather turned out as an average student. However, my wish; my dream always remained dear to me. I knew I can never achieve it. But I loved it.

Years later in 2012, I applied in air force for ground position. And I was rejected on medical basis due to my weak eyesight. It was devastating. It broke me. Because it was too unexpected for me. I still remember my walk from PAF Faisal base hospital to the main gate of selection center. I came all the way crying. Alone. Because weak eyesight was acceptable for ground positions but mine was too weak to be accepted. I buried my dream in my heart that day.

However, in all those years, something wonderful happened which never happened before. PAF started taking females for pilots. Girls were emerging much more than I imagined for myself. As fighter pilots, wearing that uniform, holding that helmet, taking extensive trainings, sitting in cockpits and flying the jets.A female cadet also won sword of honor. Even they were inducted in army other than medical posts. All of this always made me so happy that I can never explain in words. It all became a distant dream for me but for the love of it, this charisma remained with me.

And then yesterday, martyrdom of Marium Mukhtiar happened. For a moment, I was shaken. I glanced at her picture and my heartbeat was not normal. It was heartbreaking and it had a beauty. It reminded me of a wish. And how I imagined it. It was more or less the same. With all the armed forces inducting females more then ever in recent years, I never thought that such thing will ever happen. But it did. And I wonder how lucky she is. I have no words for the strength and courage for this young, fearless, intelligent and outstanding lady. 

May her soul rest in peace. She have achieved her dreams and inspired so many.

By now, I have seen my distant dream being fulfilled in so many forms by so many girls that it brighten me up from inside every time. It is one of the most beautiful feeling.

May we all achieve our dreams, no matter how high, no matter how far!

HACKED !

One fine day, back in June 2010, when i was surfing net, don't know which notion triggered me and i started googling the "ways to hack an account".
It appeared to me quite fun thing, and i was so engrossed in reading all the top results Google was showing me.
In this quest of Google how to hack, i didn't notice that i was signed in from my Google account. Later on when i was done with all the info i could read, i turned of my PC as usual.
At night, when i was again on PC and opened the 5 different tabs in my browser simultaneously to sign in my accounts, all the 5 refused to get accessed and told me that i forgot *My Passwords*. And that was a moment when a nightmare started i could never think of again.
Taken by shock i tried to access them again anddd again for the third last time using all the possible ways but all went in vain.
Then i opened my secret id which i created only a month back as an Online Backup + Rescue account and to my extreme shock it was unaccessible too.
By the time when i realized that my all online accounts are hacked, it was a real panic and a horrible situation for me.

This was the loss:
1. MSN: shahpar_a@hotmail.com
[which was the most beloved to me as it was the first entry of mine in the online world and the name it bears shows the personal love of mine for air force & fighter jets.]
2. Yahoo: beyond_imagination20@yahoo.com
3. Gmail: beyond.imagination20@gmail.com
[including associated facebook, twitter, orkut & blogger accounts.]
4. Yahoo: abeergali@yahoo.com
[which was the newly created id for the online backup of all my academic work to that date, my snaps including family and friends, my job letters and CV, rescue to the rest of the accounts in the case of any mishap and it was the id i provided in my professional contacts as well. And above all it was THE id no one aware of EXCEPT ME.]

It was really hard to believe and to cop with what had happened but then i somehow controlled the panic in me and started reporting the respective companies.
For all that process Gmail was proved to be the most convenient to get my id back. Within few hours i was able to access my gmail only by filling a simple form based on truth and nothing but the truth, its associated accounts, took the necessary precautions for any further loss and was a bit relieved. What i found was that my inboxes of facebook and gmail were empty. Twitter was safe, my blog was safe, orkut was safe.

The rest msn and yahoo id's; it was the hell to even try to get them back. Specially msn, proved to be the most annoying as after a whole lot of searching i found a rescue - form to fill and on the basis of it after almost two months my id was given back to me and as expected all empty!

My all data containing yahoo id was back after the couple of days on my *own* struggle as i happened to remind my first set secret Q/A to it, because yahoo by far do not provide you with any assistance by which you can claim your account back in the case your ids hacked with all the settings and info you did changed at all [google & msn does] and the only way to re-access it is to remembering the first ever account recovery settings you made. Any how i got it with everything empty and from the recovery settings to the basic info, everything was changed into the what-so-ever name + a recovery strange gmail id.
All my life data was lost and it was the nightmare i can never forget.

One more yahoo id that i had never recovered and so is forgotten.


I was in a great trauma and didn't knew what to do. By far in every way it was a huge loss and considering my academics, everything so important to me was vanished.
But my hackers didn't consider it enough and a few days later i received this mail on my recovered ids:

from: Abeer Ali

beyond_imagination20@yahoo.com

to: abeergali@yahoo.com

beyond.imagination20@gmail.com

date: Fri, Jul 2, 2010 at 10:04 PM

informing you that we have taken all your pics and data and using it everywhere , even we will for nude sites !!!

so its better to give us passwords of your abeergali@yahoo.com and beyond.imagination20@gmail.com.

we are not again hacking it just to show you that we can take this ids . And the pics will be send to dirty sites if you wont give us passwords and secret answers of above ids by tomorrow .

It was a real goose-bump and that was the time i involved my elders into the matter, contacted the related personnels and even surf the proper way to report a cyber crime, but all went in vain. And in the end there was nothing more we can do except to remain quiet and forget whatever happened calmly. So do i. Months later, i received 2 friend requests on my facebook and orkut, from the ditto copy of my current to that date profiles bearing the id abeerghazanfarali@gmail.com and the user names of Abeer Ali and Calm Cool respectively having the same display pics i was using those days. [my own pic :(] I do immediately reported those fake profiles but meanwhile facebook could take any action, that fb fake added some of my friends as well. And thank God they were alerted on time. That fb fake having my pic and bearing my full name email id doesn't exist any more but the orkut fake still exists! I deleted permanently my recovered ids and was able to restore only a bit of my lost academics related stuff. Rest is forgotten long long ago. Today, when i think back nothing bothers me much except the threat i received and still don't know what possible could be happened to my details and snaps. I, placing a big stone on my heart, did searched *myself* in the youtube and googled in the light of the threat mail and found nothing. And have faith in my Lord, as He is here to protect me no matter what. I still don't believe that it was the outcome of my search for hacking ways as hundreds of people around globe google it, or may be may be my click to any unknown link resulted this but the way i was hacked is truly horrible.

Moon

I can see
I can see you
I can see you tonight...

O' dear moon,
Up above the sky
Spread thee lonely light
So far..
That it can illuminate
Thy soul !
In a solemn ecstasy
Whisper thy
You saw a desolate soul
Longing..
Miles away
In the silence so deep...

O' moon
You have my sight,
tonight.

I can see you tonight...!

:)

I think you are very careless!

U come and leave things behind!

See now what you have left?

U just came in my mind

And left a smile on my face !

Friends, for U....!

So many hands in 1 Lunch box

So many friends in 1 Bench

So many calls on 1 Birthday night

So many tears for one little Fight

FRIENDS are the best part of Life !

I received these lines in a text message few days ago and it took me in the memory lane of my school days. Each line tells perfectly the moments i can never forget. A group of 10 girls eat, drink, play, weep, enjoy, fight and laugh together, having no fear of being apart someday, like we will remain with each other forever. Now everyone is walking on the different ways of life, surprisingly not even any two of us have the same field but we are united by heart.

This sms left a huge warm smile on my face and tears in my eyes. A slideshow of images run through my mind echoing the sounds of friendship we had.

Miss You Yara :(

A Kick Start

8 Jan 2009 ... a bit late to wish my readers a very Happy New Year but as it is a kick start so never mind;
I Wish U All The Goodness and Happiness for the year ahead !

This year was a kick start in my personal life also as the dawn of it wasn't so good for me because i was very disappointed at that time but around the dusk of the first day my fate twisted upside down and my Lord gifted me what i truly deserve and struggle for.
Last year i'd completed my two year's Graduation and was applied in Karachi University for B.S Third year or u can call it Master's program on merit basis but my name was not appeared in initial listings and i was so disappointed because when 3 years back i applied for graduation i failed to achieved it but now, while holding distinction marks with a lot of efforts to reach their i didn't found my name in the list again, it felt like a bad hard joke.
So, when the new year's sun was rising my heart was badly sinking but than a Miracle happened, 2nd merit lists were announced and there i was!
And now i am a B.S student exploring a new era of my life with full enthusiasm having shiny twinkling stars in my eyes :)

The First Day at Uni was fabulous and a memorable one. We were welcomed by a red carpet, hmmm actually a flowered carpet reception. Boys standing alined across the gate showering rose petals on new comers as we were passing by. Than a biggest quest was started as i had to reach my department.
KU is the largest university in Pakistan, spread across 1200 acres of land that's why shuttle service is essential to move from one department to another. Luckily i found one but bad luckily it was turned in the middle of the road towards other departments. That means still half way to go so i started marching towards my department i.e; Commerce which is in the neighborhood of IBA. My yummy Kabab Paratha with Chai breakfast digested in minutes and i was feeling thorns in my throat due to thirst as i reached there. But who cares, it was just a beginning of my excitement + it was nice to walk in such a good weather.
Our seniors tried to tease us, formally called Ragging but failed as we teased them back and it was a great fun.
After Orientation class we started exploring our uni and visited many departments, all on feet, ummm not many but a few which are in the way to the famous canteen lane, where number of canteens or u can say stalls are situated one by one selling different kinds of food. So, after eating and enjoying it was time to go home by Point (Bus or Shuttle service for students to pick and drop at specific timings). It runs across the city with only Rs. 3 charges per head daily.

But my day was not ended here. When i reached home i did laundry with my mother in the flow of my excitement, which i was delaying since 4 days.
While i was telling her my chatter box stories of the day she asked:
"Chalo sath sath kapre bhi dho lo".
and i said: "acha chalen... han tu main keh rahi thi k........."

And when i realized what she did, it was a funny story for my family and a shy, smiley, stupid agreement of mine. So, in the end it was calculated that i did escaped ragging in the uni but my mother did the job proudly :D

The second day was also good with introduction classes and a lot of walking. And than 2 holidays were there.
This whole too much walking full of excitement and enthusiasm thing resulted in fever and severe muscular pain but i love it because it is what i strive for.
Tomorrow is the working day, still i can feel the pain but its all part of the game as There Is No Gain Without Pain!

Eid Tale

After three busy + fun filled eid days i opened my eyes today, when i heard my mother calling me to wake up as i'd taken enough rest and slept alot bcz its about after noon and Jumma prayers were round the corner. So, quickly pushing my blanket, finding my glasses and yawning i was out of my bed to start my day. Life is going back to the same boring routine but this time i have some memorable moments to share.
Well, i admit that i take very long gaps for blogging mostly due to my one and only basic reason "Laziness". I'm lazy, very lazy, hmmm actually i'm just 10 times more than Very Lazy but this time i managed to create some more reasons apart from my signature one :p

During end of November i was studying hard as i'd my aptitude test and after that i was reading books online and they were really gr8, one after another didn't left me enough time + mood to create any post and then Eid arrived, so see i've good excuses. :D

I had a fabulous and memorable eid.
Fabulous in the sense that i enjoyed it alot with my family, friends and my cute cute little cousins. Almost my every eid is colorful due to them.
Kids tells us the true meaning of happiness on our traditional days and provide us a chance to enjoy the occasions with smiling faces. Actually, including me we are only 6 cousins with the same age group in our family, and the rest is the Bacha Party aging from 10 yr to 1 month old a total of 19... phew, and we call it 'Hajoom' :p
We get together @ our Grandma's every eid night and this hajoom keep us busy with their colors. The bacha party is always so enthusiastic, showing their cute dresses, bangels, mehndi, clips and ponies, sunglasses and wrist watches, purses and bags, eidi collection or telling the stories of bakras and cows, they have a world of rainbows. Its a kind of Hungama we have, making fun of their acts, playing, controlling and talking with them keep us busy all night.
Literally, i was in a very bad sad mood before the dawn of eid, but then i forgot all my tensions and those little smiles sparkle my mood with stars.

Now, the memorable part:
On 3rd day of eid, i first time witnessed Camel Slaughter. I always wanted to experience it Live but never got the chance. Yesterday when we visited our aunt's home, i saw two camels in their lane which were going to slaughter around noon and me and my sis's excitement was meeting the sky. We anxiously waited for the moment and than finally it arrived. We stand behind the main gate to watch but due to increasing crowd it become impossible to see, so we stepped out of the house, searched a proper place to stand, crossed the lane, jump on to a high slab, in front of one of the house and stand their to experience our dearest wish from a height.
Butchers prepared the animal for the Holy custom by fasten its mouth and one leg with rope and stand it towards the direction of Kaaba and hit its throat with a hunting knife (or u can call it Khanjar) while reciting the Qurbani Dua and Allah-Ho-Akbar, this procedure is called ' Nehar karna', and than camel sat down itself slowly due to the blood loss and when their is no sign of life left in it, its ready to cut. Camel's slaughter is different due to this procedure because it is a big animal to handle and that's why it is stab into the throat and then cut down. And a very few people choose camel for Eid-ul-Azha in Pakistan as its not so affordable + people rarely eat its meat here.

All in all, this eid left me with good memory to share :)
Oh, and by the way A very Happy EID Mubarak to all of my readers and thanks for your visits and wishes.

Ciao

Tumhara aur Mera Naam

a very beautiful song, sung by Junaid Jamshed.

its what i feel right now & wants to say.
its a request and a desire
a longing and a need
and a wish for a hope!

I Miss The Feel I Felt...!

I miss the feel of freshness. The feel of divine serenity, calmness & purity.

I feel this beauty evry year ... bt i still miss it. as i've 2 w8 for a whole yr to get that sense again...

I felt it from the vry 1st day till the vry last moment... it stays with me the whole month...

it remains in me like a soothing hand, heeling evry wound, taking care of evry emotion & thought, pushing me up, making me determined & punctual, checking my evry act & peace out my self so nicely that i really don't want to let that spirit go...

It felt Socially

It felt Physically

It felt Mentally

It felt Spiritually

It felt Deeply.....

Well, the "Feel" i'm talking about is the feeling of Devotion. It connected me with my Creator.

it urges me to think, concentrate, observe, believe & to worship.

* I prayed

* I thanked

* I sorry

* I regretted

* I cried

* I requested

* I wished

* I asked

I did it all with a pure heart. with a sure belief that my callings were listened & will b consider...

I spend my days in such a sacred atmosphere that i miss its fragrance deep inside...

I loved that tough buzy schedule...

* Those early morning wakeups

* Being punctual for evry prayer

* Taking care of evry little uttered word & act

* Attending Tafseer -e- Quran classes for the vry first time

* Getting amazed by the Miracles of Quran & its teachings

* Remain enchanted in its charm the whole long days

* Try to being as honest as i can

Ohh... i really miss that freshness

Ohh... i really miss that purity & calmness

Ohh... i realy miss that serene atmosphere

Ohh... i really miss that sweet breeze

Ohh... i'm truly missing that flavor of my beloved Ramazan!