Saturday, June 4, 2011

All It Takes...

Moving On!
Requires only one moment of realization & a thousands deaths within one's own being!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Loneliness

Loneliness teaches you how to see
When you feel blind

Loneliness teaches you how to smile
When you forgot this gesture

Loneliness teaches you how to stand
When you are lying on death bed

Loneliness teaches you how to find yourself
When you'd actually lost your soul & being

Loneliness teaches you how to search
little light of hope in deep darkness

Loneliness is the most helpless situation ever.

Its the feeling which breaks you...
Inch by inch..
moment by moment..
step by step..
bit by bit..
torn till the last fragment of life..

Loneliness demands the sacrifice of existence!

And than;

Only at a certain stage of this destruction
Loneliness builds up a courage
silently inside
That tells you to breathe again
It becomes a teacher & gives support.

But the only thing loneliness is unable to teach;
is how to forget the person who made you lonely!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

My dear Secret Fan factory !

If you think that this blog has a very few readers & fans or this is not a much popular blog than you are wrong. Far too much wrong!
For; as a matter of good fact this blog or may be you can say it's writer has gained immense popularity within last few months and as a matter of not so good fact this popularity is actually largely composed of our society most popular *Fffrrraannddshheppp* curse rather than the actual writing or blogging impact.

It happened since the day i've published my these three posts:

1. River flows in you...
2. Blunt.
3. But what do we call that?

and my my...... i never knew my these posts will invent a Fan Factory for me.

Cut the long story short... from the whole lot of responses i am too date receiving, only the few were the literary called responses and all the rest are... RUBBISH !

I truly appreciate those few readers who took out their time, trace my email and inbox me their views regarding my blog filled with the sweet & the sour, the good & the weak side, appreciations, pointed flaws in my writings and formal criticism. It includes both genders. Much much thanks !

All the others...
Who fall in different stages of fraindsheppp...
and these stages goes from the mild to the worst level.

1. There were the one's who read those posts or anyone one of them or took an overlook of my blog, liked *me* and mailed me and express me their maximum one line "view" and asked me to be friends. [IGNORE]

2. Then came those who got some more time, searched me on facebook and inbox me + a friend request. [IGNORE]

3. Then those who just got stick to their messages and keep-telling-me-how-great-i-am even after the request ignore; unless and until i had to block them. [IGNORE]

4. Then came some those who exceed the one-line-thing, come up with their great observations regarding me through my oh-so-deeply-romantic-writings and my oh-so-innocent display picture at facebook and hammered on my head their constant messages and friend request from different different names, send me their CVs..... oh yes! Really the kind of CV's which includes all the details from their personal traits to their professional achievements and were alas failed to prove their i-am-your-biggest-fan sentiments + *sincere* concerns. [IGNORE]
Advice to them: Next time don't forget to write your salary package or yearly income, than may be i'll look forward.

5. And in the end, this category of my fans which actually include a total of two individuals made me to write this post and hence cannot be IGNORED.
Those smart brains wrote me that how great i am, how good i look and how eastern i appear but how much i am a sinner. Because i write the stuff which stimulates hidden desires, express western approach, respond to my male readers at comments more & frankly; hence i have NO female readers, unethically wrote about my "personal experience" in the posts River Flows in You & But What DO We Call That, a fake; as i wears a scarf and try to appear religious, and so not a good eastern girl because i am exploiting the limits which are imposed on me according to our society and religion. Hence, i should mend my ways straight as soon as possible because it is a dangerous age which spoil people and throw them away from a peaceful eternity. And i am the current victim of it.

For those dear well wishers and for every other kind i want to say a few words:

Thank you for increasing the number of my blog readers till now and i will be more thankful to you if you may decrease it immediately and save your clicks, time and eye sight!
If you are really not willing to go at the saving plan than you newbies at net or at blogging world must spend your ample time in learning rather than scrutinizing others.
Writings are primarily author's insight and not the personal experiences except the mentioned publications and biographies.
Blogs & social networking sites are not meant to be chase your formula eligible *eastern* girls.
And if you are really so gutsy then while pointing a total stranger and passing your judgments; evaluate the other four fingers FIRST which points you, express directly in blog comments rather than messaging anonymously or through other ways so you can receive your well deserved reply. Good Luck!


P.S: Oh Lord! bless this blog with mature readership and prevent it from this kind of secret fan factory!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Wabastagi

Kitni ajeeb baat hy...

Koe uns bhi baqi nahi

Zara qarar bhi hasil nahi

Rastey bhi huaye juda juda

Manzilen bhi alag hoen

Phir bhi najane kyon

Ek dojey se yeh dor kat-ti nahi

Nafrat hy

Phir bhi yeh wabastagi marti nahi !


P.S: i wrote it last year, may be a decade back or may be just some moments back... back in the dark midnight for the reason unknown... that scribbled torn piece of paper... such a mess & i found it today.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

from ecstasy to hell.

*What is next to ecstasy?

PAIN!

*What is next to pain?

NOTHINGNESS!

*What is next to nothingness?

HELL!

*And what is next to hell?

What is next to hell??? What is next to hell??? Are you really asking this? Aren't you afraid of it?
Ohhh yeah... you are not. You are one of those who don't get it unless they are hit. And believe me when one day you will get it you won't be able to ask what is next to ecstasy... and you will wish you should never inquired it.


This is the extract of a book which will turn you upside down, open new horizons to you and will make you think so much that you may have never even considered worthy enough in your life before.

PEER-E-KAMIL (S.A.W) by Umera Ahmed is a must read + a must have!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

HACKED !

One fine day, back in June 2010, when i was surfing net, don't know which notion triggered me and i started googling the "ways to hack an account".
It appeared to me quite fun thing, and i was so engrossed in reading all the top results Google was showing me.
In this quest of Google how to hack, i didn't notice that i was signed in from my Google account. Later on when i was done with all the info i could read, i turned of my PC as usual.
At night, when i was again on PC and opened the 5 different tabs in my browser simultaneously to sign in my accounts, all the 5 refused to get accessed and told me that i forgot *My Passwords*. And that was a moment when a nightmare started i could never think of again.
Taken by shock i tried to access them again anddd again for the third last time using all the possible ways but all went in vain.
Then i opened my secret id which i created only a month back as an Online Backup + Rescue account and to my extreme shock it was unaccessible too.
By the time when i realized that my all online accounts are hacked, it was a real panic and a horrible situation for me.

This was the loss:
1. MSN: shahpar_a@hotmail.com
[which was the most beloved to me as it was the first entry of mine in the online world and the name it bears shows the personal love of mine for air force & fighter jets.]
2. Yahoo: beyond_imagination20@yahoo.com
3. Gmail: beyond.imagination20@gmail.com
[including associated facebook, twitter, orkut & blogger accounts.]
4. Yahoo: abeergali@yahoo.com
[which was the newly created id for the online backup of all my academic work to that date, my snaps including family and friends, my job letters and CV, rescue to the rest of the accounts in the case of any mishap and it was the id i provided in my professional contacts as well. And above all it was THE id no one aware of EXCEPT ME.]


It was really hard to believe and to cop with what had happened but then i somehow controlled the panic in me and started reporting the respective companies.
For all that process Gmail was proved to be the most convenient to get my id back. Within few hours i was able to access my gmail only by filling a simple form based on truth and nothing but the truth, its associated accounts, took the necessary precautions for any further loss and was a bit relieved. What i found was that my inboxes of facebook and gmail were empty. Twitter was safe, my blog was safe, orkut was safe.

The rest msn and yahoo id's; it was the hell to even try to get them back. Specially msn, proved to be the most annoying as after a whole lot of searching i found a rescue - form to fill and on the basis of it after almost two months my id was given back to me and as expected all empty!

My all data containing yahoo id was back after the couple of days on my *own* struggle as i happened to remind my first set secret Q/A to it, because yahoo by far do not provide you with any assistance by which you can claim your account back in the case your ids hacked with all the settings and info you did changed at all [google & msn does] and the only way to re-access it is to remembering the first ever account recovery settings you made. Any how i got it with everything empty and from the recovery settings to the basic info, everything was changed into the what-so-ever name + a recovery strange gmail id.
All my life data was lost and it was the nightmare i can never forget.

One more yahoo id that i had never recovered and so is forgotten.


I was in a great trauma and didn't knew what to do. By far in every way it was a huge loss and considering my academics, everything so important to me was vanished.
But my hackers didn't consider it enough and a few days later i received this mail on my recovered ids:

from: Abeer Ali
beyond_imagination20@yahoo.com
to: abeergali@yahoo.com
beyond.imagination20@gmail.com
date: Fri, Jul 2, 2010 at 10:04 PM

informing you that we have taken all your pics and data and using it everywhere , even we will for nude sites !!!
so its better to give us passwords of your abeergali@yahoo.com and beyond.imagination20@gmail.com.
we are not again hacking it just to show you that we can take this ids . And the pics will be send to dirty sites if you wont give us passwords and secret answers of above ids by tomorrow .

It was a real goose-bump and that was the time i involved my elders into the matter, contacted the related personnels and even surf the proper way to report a cyber crime, but all went in vain. And in the end there was nothing more we can do except to remain quiet and forget whatever happened calmly. So do i.

Months later, i received 2 friend requests on my facebook and orkut, from the ditto copy of my current to that date profiles bearing the id abeerghazanfarali@gmail.com and the user names of Abeer Ali and Calm Cool respectively having the same display pics i was using those days. [my own pic :(]
I do immediately reported those fake profiles but meanwhile facebook could take any action, that fb fake added some of my friends as well. And thank God they were alerted on time. That fb fake having my pic and bearing my full name email id doesn't exist any more but the orkut fake still exists!

I deleted permanently my recovered ids and was able to restore only a bit of my lost academics related stuff. Rest is forgotten long long ago.


Today, when i think back nothing bothers me much except the threat i received and still don't know what possible could be happened to my details and snaps. I, placing a big stone on my heart, did searched *myself* in the youtube and googled in the light of the threat mail and found nothing. And have faith in my Lord, as He is here to protect me no matter what.

I still don't believe that it was the outcome of my search for hacking ways as hundreds of people around globe google it, or may be may be my click to any unknown link resulted this but the way i was hacked is truly horrible.

Friday, January 21, 2011

BIWI... !

Scene:
Me teaching my two kiddo cousins.

Characters:
Bela Aapi
Huzaifa
Musab

Bela aapi: Musab 'lambay' ka jumla bnayen.

Musab: [after a whole lot thinking]
Ammi k baal lambay hote hen............... ******* [said something which i didn't heard]..... start laughing.

Huzaifa: Bela aapi Musab buri baat keh rha hy.

Bela Aapi: Kya?

Huzaifa: Yeh keh rha hy biwi.... hahahahahahaha

Bela Aapi: [in an amazed awkward expression]
ap kya keh rahe hen Musab?

Musab: G nahi, g nahi, maine koe buri baat nahi ki acha. Biwi baba ki ammi hoti hen; haina Bela aapi?

Bela Aapi: [trying to mute her laugh]
Ggggg...... !

:D

Sunday, January 16, 2011

But What Do We Call That?

Writer's Block is a state narrated as an inability to write, inability to give your thoughts suitable words and pen it down. It felts when you really want to write something but handicapped with a certain nameless notion that prevent you from doing so... that halts you with such a force that you have to obey it and suppress yourself.
It is a very common phase, most of the writers went through at certain times in their lives.

BUT

What do we call the feeling which is felt when you want to stay in a relationship, love & adore it but don't *feel* it? Or unable to do so?
Still have it and want it but don't want to say it. At All!
A certain silence prevails in between which hurts seductively. And still you want to remain quite, at least on your part, having some reservations [or may b much more than SOME which leads to this status] but don't want to mouth them as it appears like bragging... repeating the same thing and now the only thing required is it to be realized!
REALIZED... not the what-and-where-and-how-and-which-went-wrong but the cure of the wrong... the Healing part.
I read somewhere that relationships [the close one's only... belongings necessity] are like fragile delicate flowers, which demand and expect for a certain care to keep them blooming. They are not meant to be just have them, being grateful on having them and then overlook them.
This flower will never smile back at you when you keep it, satisfied on HAVING it, but give it light through shadows, give it air through winds or after a blockage, water it in portions and caressing it reluctantly yet think that you are doing very much and expect it to be in full bloom whenever you happened to cast a look on it, expect it to stay happy, satisfy & smile back every time it got the most wanted glance in a way the glance want, because the provided glance is considered *enough* for all the flower wants.
Then it is not so...
This flower can blossom in this manner up to a certain limit... to the extent where it can breath through the preserved air in itself, will drink the remaining water in it drop by drop to extend its livelihood and feel the memorized care it had. But when this all process to survive within, will reach its end, the flower eventually loose the will to survive and stop doing all the cures it had and was doing within. This involuntariness not just happened, it was all building up inside grain by grain, was growing deep down and now burst out.
Flower will only desire the external stimulus to live on. Without asking for it! In silent mode!

Here, this is the feeling which came somewhat similar to writer's block.
A handicapped, suppressing, wanting, nameless inability which halts you from every expression and desire the external stimulus, the healing and nourishment badly for moving on. Not by on your own means but by the Other's means.
Force you to remain quite as you are, because even if you speak-up you find yourself in a great impulsion of a thing you don't want to do but want it to be rectified as sooner as good. As the delay drifting you towards a close ended alley where you are obligedly thinking to cutting that flower off and learning to live without it. Forever.

All the known fears are arousing and making there way to reality mutely with speed.
Like the words dying inside an imaginative mind moment by moment due to the lack of author's will.

What do we call that thingi? That status of deprived expression in relationships? That block; where the person stuck gravely and can't help it?

Better to solve that myth before the flower dies!