Saturday, February 5, 2011

Wabastagi

Kitni ajeeb baat hy...

Koe uns bhi baqi nahi

Zara qarar bhi hasil nahi

Rastey bhi huaye juda juda

Manzilen bhi alag hoen

Phir bhi najane kyon

Ek dojey se yeh dor kat-ti nahi

Nafrat hy

Phir bhi yeh wabastagi marti nahi !


P.S: i wrote it last year, may be a decade back or may be just some moments back... back in the dark midnight for the reason unknown... that scribbled torn piece of paper... such a mess & i found it today.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

HACKED !

One fine day, back in June 2010, when i was surfing net, don't know which notion triggered me and i started googling the "ways to hack an account".
It appeared to me quite fun thing, and i was so engrossed in reading all the top results Google was showing me.
In this quest of Google how to hack, i didn't notice that i was signed in from my Google account. Later on when i was done with all the info i could read, i turned of my PC as usual.
At night, when i was again on PC and opened the 5 different tabs in my browser simultaneously to sign in my accounts, all the 5 refused to get accessed and told me that i forgot *My Passwords*. And that was a moment when a nightmare started i could never think of again.
Taken by shock i tried to access them again anddd again for the third last time using all the possible ways but all went in vain.
Then i opened my secret id which i created only a month back as an Online Backup + Rescue account and to my extreme shock it was unaccessible too.
By the time when i realized that my all online accounts are hacked, it was a real panic and a horrible situation for me.

This was the loss:
1. MSN: shahpar_a@hotmail.com
[which was the most beloved to me as it was the first entry of mine in the online world and the name it bears shows the personal love of mine for air force & fighter jets.]
2. Yahoo: beyond_imagination20@yahoo.com
3. Gmail: beyond.imagination20@gmail.com
[including associated facebook, twitter, orkut & blogger accounts.]
4. Yahoo: abeergali@yahoo.com
[which was the newly created id for the online backup of all my academic work to that date, my snaps including family and friends, my job letters and CV, rescue to the rest of the accounts in the case of any mishap and it was the id i provided in my professional contacts as well. And above all it was THE id no one aware of EXCEPT ME.]


It was really hard to believe and to cop with what had happened but then i somehow controlled the panic in me and started reporting the respective companies.
For all that process Gmail was proved to be the most convenient to get my id back. Within few hours i was able to access my gmail only by filling a simple form based on truth and nothing but the truth, its associated accounts, took the necessary precautions for any further loss and was a bit relieved. What i found was that my inboxes of facebook and gmail were empty. Twitter was safe, my blog was safe, orkut was safe.

The rest msn and yahoo id's; it was the hell to even try to get them back. Specially msn, proved to be the most annoying as after a whole lot of searching i found a rescue - form to fill and on the basis of it after almost two months my id was given back to me and as expected all empty!

My all data containing yahoo id was back after the couple of days on my *own* struggle as i happened to remind my first set secret Q/A to it, because yahoo by far do not provide you with any assistance by which you can claim your account back in the case your ids hacked with all the settings and info you did changed at all [google & msn does] and the only way to re-access it is to remembering the first ever account recovery settings you made. Any how i got it with everything empty and from the recovery settings to the basic info, everything was changed into the what-so-ever name + a recovery strange gmail id.
All my life data was lost and it was the nightmare i can never forget.

One more yahoo id that i had never recovered and so is forgotten.


I was in a great trauma and didn't knew what to do. By far in every way it was a huge loss and considering my academics, everything so important to me was vanished.
But my hackers didn't consider it enough and a few days later i received this mail on my recovered ids:

from: Abeer Ali
beyond_imagination20@yahoo.com
to: abeergali@yahoo.com
beyond.imagination20@gmail.com
date: Fri, Jul 2, 2010 at 10:04 PM

informing you that we have taken all your pics and data and using it everywhere , even we will for nude sites !!!
so its better to give us passwords of your abeergali@yahoo.com and beyond.imagination20@gmail.com.
we are not again hacking it just to show you that we can take this ids . And the pics will be send to dirty sites if you wont give us passwords and secret answers of above ids by tomorrow .

It was a real goose-bump and that was the time i involved my elders into the matter, contacted the related personnels and even surf the proper way to report a cyber crime, but all went in vain. And in the end there was nothing more we can do except to remain quiet and forget whatever happened calmly. So do i.

Months later, i received 2 friend requests on my facebook and orkut, from the ditto copy of my current to that date profiles bearing the id abeerghazanfarali@gmail.com and the user names of Abeer Ali and Calm Cool respectively having the same display pics i was using those days. [my own pic :(]
I do immediately reported those fake profiles but meanwhile facebook could take any action, that fb fake added some of my friends as well. And thank God they were alerted on time. That fb fake having my pic and bearing my full name email id doesn't exist any more but the orkut fake still exists!

I deleted permanently my recovered ids and was able to restore only a bit of my lost academics related stuff. Rest is forgotten long long ago.


Today, when i think back nothing bothers me much except the threat i received and still don't know what possible could be happened to my details and snaps. I, placing a big stone on my heart, did searched *myself* in the youtube and googled in the light of the threat mail and found nothing. And have faith in my Lord, as He is here to protect me no matter what.

I still don't believe that it was the outcome of my search for hacking ways as hundreds of people around globe google it, or may be may be my click to any unknown link resulted this but the way i was hacked is truly horrible.

Friday, January 21, 2011

BIWI... !

Scene:
Me teaching my two kiddo cousins.

Characters:
Bela Aapi
Huzaifa
Musab

Bela aapi: Musab 'lambay' ka jumla bnayen.

Musab: [after a whole lot thinking]
Ammi k baal lambay hote hen............... ******* [said something which i didn't heard]..... start laughing.

Huzaifa: Bela aapi Musab buri baat keh rha hy.

Bela Aapi: Kya?

Huzaifa: Yeh keh rha hy biwi.... hahahahahahaha

Bela Aapi: [in an amazed awkward expression]
ap kya keh rahe hen Musab?

Musab: G nahi, g nahi, maine koe buri baat nahi ki acha. Biwi baba ki ammi hoti hen; haina Bela aapi?

Bela Aapi: [trying to mute her laugh]
Ggggg...... !

:D

Sunday, January 16, 2011

But What Do We Call That?

Writer's Block is a state narrated as an inability to write, inability to give your thoughts suitable words and pen it down. It felts when you really want to write something but handicapped with a certain nameless notion that prevent you from doing so... that halts you with such a force that you have to obey it and suppress yourself.
It is a very common phase, most of the writers went through at certain times in their lives.

BUT

What do we call the feeling which is felt when you want to stay in a relationship, love & adore it but don't *feel* it? Or unable to do so?
Still have it and want it but don't want to say it. At All!
A certain silence prevails in between which hurts seductively. And still you want to remain quite, at least on your part, having some reservations [or may b much more than SOME which leads to this status] but don't want to mouth them as it appears like bragging... repeating the same thing and now the only thing required is it to be realized!
REALIZED... not the what-and-where-and-how-and-which-went-wrong but the cure of the wrong... the Healing part.
I read somewhere that relationships [the close one's only... belongings necessity] are like fragile delicate flowers, which demand and expect for a certain care to keep them blooming. They are not meant to be just have them, being grateful on having them and then overlook them.
This flower will never smile back at you when you keep it, satisfied on HAVING it, but give it light through shadows, give it air through winds or after a blockage, water it in portions and caressing it reluctantly yet think that you are doing very much and expect it to be in full bloom whenever you happened to cast a look on it, expect it to stay happy, satisfy & smile back every time it got the most wanted glance in a way the glance want, because the provided glance is considered *enough* for all the flower wants.
Then it is not so...
This flower can blossom in this manner up to a certain limit... to the extent where it can breath through the preserved air in itself, will drink the remaining water in it drop by drop to extend its livelihood and feel the memorized care it had. But when this all process to survive within, will reach its end, the flower eventually loose the will to survive and stop doing all the cures it had and was doing within. This involuntariness not just happened, it was all building up inside grain by grain, was growing deep down and now burst out.
Flower will only desire the external stimulus to live on. Without asking for it! In silent mode!

Here, this is the feeling which came somewhat similar to writer's block.
A handicapped, suppressing, wanting, nameless inability which halts you from every expression and desire the external stimulus, the healing and nourishment badly for moving on. Not by on your own means but by the Other's means.
Force you to remain quite as you are, because even if you speak-up you find yourself in a great impulsion of a thing you don't want to do but want it to be rectified as sooner as good. As the delay drifting you towards a close ended alley where you are obligedly thinking to cutting that flower off and learning to live without it. Forever.

All the known fears are arousing and making there way to reality mutely with speed.
Like the words dying inside an imaginative mind moment by moment due to the lack of author's will.

What do we call that thingi? That status of deprived expression in relationships? That block; where the person stuck gravely and can't help it?

Better to solve that myth before the flower dies!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Blunt

I am Blunt
And being blunt hurts often!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

River flows in you...

Slamming her car door she hurriedly open umbrella, escaping the heavy rain and rush towards the door of her apartment.
"He must be watching my way", she thought.
It was a busy day for her and she was feeling quite bitter at the moment due to the work stress and home concerns.
Getting in she closed the door behind her and stopped when her hand felt a paper on the door lock, removing that small chit, she switch on the light of the hall way.
it reads:
"Good Evening, sweetheart. Do, as directed my dear. Go to the sitting room and do not switch on any light except the room. Follow each sticker you find in your way. Love!"
Stunned, she read the note twice and looking towards the hall way, she found her home in dark. Hesitantly, she removed her coat and place it on the chair near her, put her bag on it and rest her dripping umbrella to the wall.
Walking to the sitting room door she read the note again, then went inside. In light she found another note on the switch board. Reading:
" Dress up the way you are and then come to the lounge. Take your time".
She grinned. " Whats going on".
Then she turn around and her mouth fell open.
Their was a black evening dress lying on the sofa, with stiletto shows near it and all the accessories she would need to have the look. But my my, the outfit in-front of her could be the last thing she ever choose to wear in her wildest dreams. Hastily she rush towards it and thought:
"What the hell he is up to, is he... " , she found a note on dress with a white blooming tulip. "Think only YES, there is no NO option, i am waiting :) ".
"Sigh!"
She sank into the sofa. Closing her eyes and sat there, rested for a while.
" Wait a minute, whats the date today..... ummm nah, its nor my birthday, neither his. Not our anniversary, no occasion i can think for... then for what he is up to". Confused, she stay there.
"You are always unpredictable". She figured.
Looking at the watch she stood up. It was 25 past 8, night.
Grabbing the towel she approached the bath adjacent to the sitting-room.
After 10 minutes she was standing to the sofa, looking towards the dress and making her mind to wear it.
"arrghhh...Its, weird". She snarled.
Giving up, a voice came. "Okay!"

Ready now. she touch-up her makeup in the bath mirror. Tying her half hair, leaving half open and some on her forehead. Wearing the bracelet, ring and earrings, she found with the dress and standing on the shoes which are making her taller than Eiffel Tower.
"I know, how fool i am looking in it", she thought in a sad tone. She was not at all positive about herself.
Spraying her favorite scent, she gave herself a final thought and came out of the room. Clock struck 9.
Walking in the hall way she can see now a dim light coming from the lounge near the corner, felt like moving forth and back with light breeze. Her heals ticktock and outside lightning with heavy rain were the two visible noises she can hear.
As she reached the corner, her heart starts stabbing in her. She was about to enter the enlighten area and had no idea of the up coming. Her mind went blank. She stop there and tried to find the courage in her of moving forward. Its the first time ever she was feeling afraid in her own home.
A sudden tension captured her so hard that her heart felt sinking. As she hold the wall at the corner to give her a balance, she noticed another stick on it. Removing it she read it with trembling hands. "Relax, come on in".
After a while, holding her breath she step forward. Standing in the entrance she was surprised by the view her wide opened eyes were watching. It wasn't the room she left this morning. It was something from a fairy tale or a scene from a deep romantic movie or a dream beautifully came upon her. But can never be a reality. "No, its not." She thought.
The lounge was decorated with fresh flowers, lilies, roses, tube roses, jasmine, tulips and gladioli; all the ones she adore. Their aroma was filling her breath. Candles... here, there and everywhere. It was only their light which was brightening this serene atmosphere. The area was so spacious with very less furniture to the side wall and that was her small glass dinning table with only two chairs right now. A long glass vase with a red rose and a recherché candle, were in the middle of the table, with stemware glasses, crockery, some food and drink on it. Lightening with heavy rain can be seen from the wall length sliding windows. The wall at the far end of the room facing her was more fascinating as it was carrying a full length mirror in which she can see her silhouette from a distance.
Inhaling everything around her she walk to the mirror. A pleasant smile came on her face from inside and all her bitter sour mood reflections were fading away.
As she saw her reflection, an abrupt uneasiness caught her. The person in-front of her was a total opposite of the one she was used to of seeing since years. The reflection was bold, revealing and catchy in every way, from every angle of her. It obsess her. She was looking so chic just like a perfect addition to her dreamy room.

A low voice came from her back.
"Close your eyes".
She freezed. She can't see anyone at her back from the mirror.
Seconds passed. She moved.
"sshhh, don't move. Close your eyes and stay there".
"Okay", a low whisper she uttered dropping her eyelids.

The air around her filled with a new scent. Idyllic yet teasing. "His smell". She thought!

Something drop around her neck, touching her collar bone. linking at the back.
"Now see". A whisper came just behind her.

Opening her eyes she saw a smiling firm face looking at her. She smiled back. And then noticed the pendant she was wearing now. It was bearing her and his initials in the world's most precious stones. Delicate and exquisite.

"That, that's so precious."
"Hmmm, no its not."

Amazed, she look into his eyes.

"Not, more than you".
He chuckled.
"But, ..."
"Don't speak"

"Why?",
she asked stupidly.
"Hmmm, because... Ahm, i am busy observing you."

All of a sudden, she realized that she is in the outfit exposing her to the fullest.
Timidly, she dropped her eyes down and felt an urge to hide somewhere quickly.
"You know why you are dress up like this?"
Silence...
"Because we are celebrating something very dear to me. And i wanted it to be a lasting memory forever. That's why we are standing amidst of this lovely dream."
"And what's the occasion?", She asked.
"You!". He replied.
"Me?" She inquired gazing him.
"Yes You!".
"This is the day honey when i first time came across to your name, to your existence in this world. Years back. I happened to know you. You stepped in my thoughts. In my life. And i am thankful to this day which gave me acquaintance to my now better half. My soul mate."
"Thank you so much", that was all she could managed to say to his image with teary eyes.
A smile filled with everlasting magnet with pearls in eyes struck both of them.

Each and every word of him filled an affection in her she was so grateful for. She felt so confident and vibrant that all her timidness went away. "What if i am in an attire unusual for me. I am in it for a person who owns me from my heart. I am in it on his wish. His every gaze is mine. For me. On me. Will always be me." She thought.
Giving her reflection a sure-footed smile, she turned around and looked at her man.

Dressed in black tuxedo, nicely gelled hair, determined face and a charismatic look were enough to make her off-guard.
After a while, she moved forward and gently touched his collar.
He hold her that hand and said.
"You must be tired, come on."
Leading her to the side wall, he stopped to the dinning, left her hand, pull out a chair for her and slightly bowing down, he spoke.
"My honor, please join me."
"I think i am living in a fairy tale and you are my princes who came to me on a white horse."
They both chuckled.
After settling down they sat there quietly for moments, hearing every sound near them, around them and in them. Their silence...

"You want some?", interrupting the silence he inquired like a pebble make waves in the still water.
"Umm, yes.", she replied turning her focus to the subject, realizing for the first time this evening that she was starving to death after a long hectic day.
"How was your day?", she asked.
"Regular, hectic work with the addition of my countless glances to the clock and weighing ticktock in my cabin."
"Oh!"

He passed her the appetizing meal, they had for dinner tonight.
Nibbling some she asked. "From where did you ordered it? Its so delicious"
"My Home Kitchen". Replied flatly while eating.
"Some new caterer you found on net?"
He smiled crookedly. "Some good recipes i Google for."
She gave him a puzzled look.
And in front he was calmly smiling at her.
Dropping her fork in the plate she asked with a great surprise.
"You cooked it yourself?"
"Ahan!"
"How? Why? I mean you never put your feet in the kitchen."
"Hmmm na, actually i do often to tease you."

"You are really unpredictable."
"And i guess that's why you love me."

"Umm no i don't. In your dreams." Hahaha
"Okay, no problem." grinning.
"Its so yummy, doesn't taste like a first attempt."
"Thank you Ma'am."
"I am full of surprises tonight, you made my day."
"Ah! you made my life baby. By the way there's still lots waiting for you tonight."
"Ahan, fingers crossed."

"Are you done?", finishing his food he asked.
"Yup!"

He stood up, went to the stereo and played a melodious violin tune on it which filled the air with a amorous rhythm. She was gladly sitting at her place admiring the change.
He came back, poured their drink in the stemware glasses and gestured her to leave her seat and stand by him. She did as directed.
Giving her glass to her, he fixed his eyes in her eyes.
"Cheers", "Cheers for being my part." He said striking their glasses.
"Cheers for being my part." She said.
For a glance they stared at each other and then crossing their hands, drink from each others glasses.

"Shall we dance?". He said placing back the empty glasses on the table.
"Dance?", "We don't even know any hint of it!"
"Doesn't matter."
"Okay then."

Holding her hand he lead her to the center of the lounge. Facing each other, standing in the midst. Lying his one hand on her waist, other holding her hand fingers crossed, he drew her closer. She placed her free hand to his shoulder. On the enchanting tune of violin they start moving.
At first it was reluctant. Then slowly mood was flowing with their every step.
Gazing at her, he was taking small steps, to and fro, moving in a circle along with the melody.
Her feet were chasing his footprints. Caught in the spell she was moving along in the absolute rhythm.
Suddenly he gave her a motion, encircling her with one hand.
"Wowww... !" She exclaimed striking him back.
"How are you feeling?" Dancing, he asked.
"Very good!"

"How Much?"

"Toooo Much"
They grinned.
"Thank you so much for such a tremendous memoir."
"You liked it?"

"I loved it!"

"Okay then no thanks givings."

"Okay sir."

"What's the best you liked?"

"All of it is outstanding. And the specially the devotion to plan all this for me, for us."

He moved her around again and this time grabbed her from back placing his chin on her shoulder.

"I wanna do something." She said
Leaving his hold, she went to the side, takeoff her stilettos and then reached him. Standing barefooted on his shinny shoes and having his hold she whispered.
"Now dance."
With a warm smile he moved having her on him, with the violin.

It was a quite powerful and peaceful moment for them. Holding each other glance, they remain silent and moved along.
Heart was thudding in them, they can hear it clearly.
Placing her head on her heaven, wrapped in his arms.
Having his gem so near to him, captivating his all senses.
Remembering the every dear moments to them, thinking of each other, they were looking like made for each other. They were feeling it in deep!

He caressed her hair. She looked up.
Exchanging their smiles they halt their movements.
He encircled her for one last time and when she was back in his arms, she fell back to her waist. He was chasing her scent with her.
"You completes me."
She heard a whispering breath.
In an earnest ecstasy she breathed in the truth.
He pressed his lips on her neck.

*******

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Moon



I can see
I can see you
I can see you tonight...

O' dear moon,
Up above the sky
Spread thee lonely light
So far..
That it can illuminate
Thy soul !
In a solemn ecstasy
Whisper thy
You saw a desolate soul
Longing..
Miles away
In the silence so deep...

O' moon
You have my sight,
tonight.

I can see you tonight...!